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Miss Leigh Bam

Vintage wearing, foul mouthed, fatctivist, feminist who loves a brooch.

The importance of female friends.

Being 31 I’m old enough now to realise the value of female relationships. There’s something a bit magic and a bit secret about good ones. Growing up I had one friend, we’re still friends (but have been for so long she’s just now a part of the family) She taught me a lot. We did all the stuff you’re meant to do with a best friend and she never let me down. If I need her she’s there, she will be as long as we are. 

She taught me a butt ton of stuff.

How to drink then recover quickly.

How to laugh uncontrollably.

How to smoke.

The best places to find lipstick.

How to love someone unconditionally who’s not directly a family member.

How to do halloween.

How to laugh at myself.

And how to trust.

Now I’m a big grown up girl and I get to choose all sorts of kick ass woman to be in or out of my life. I’ve learned the hard way people can be users and selfish and not present. But I’ve also learned that so can I. I’ve learned this by being pulled up about it by my actual girl gang. These woman don’t let me get away with shit. They will listen to me when I’m sad, rejoice with me when I’m happy and tell me if my outfit makes me look like a jacket potato. They care if it’s my birthday, they find me obscure bits of film, they challenge the way I carve my way in the world and cheer me on. And listen to my utter bullshit.

Because of them I’m a better mum a better person. I’m more aware of my feelings. I’m learning to say no and be unapologetic and like myself. And it’s large and in part because of them. Each of them are brilliant people. They have overcome obstacles I couldn’t even begin to imagine coping with. They are fierce and feminist and beautiful. And my friendships are my self care . They are my mentors my allies And my life is richer and better for having them and all of thier multicoloured, strong, clever, kind and wise ways in it. 

(Photo credit Sarah Andersen)
Nurture your friendships, pour your heart and soul into the woman worth having in your life. And be the sort of one that they want in thiers. 

My mates taught me that šŸ˜‰ 

How to take a complement, like a boss

We all give complements,I bet you give them daily and don’t even realise, the question is why are woman so shockingly bad at accepting? Listen to the reply from the majority of woman when you give them a complement, in my experience it goes a bit like this 

You Look pretty. 

Oh no, no you do! 

I like your jacket.

What this? it was really cheap.

Oh my God your hair today is amazing! 

Oh yeah thanks I feel like a potato
Let’s break this shit down.

We are taught from a young age a lot of conflicting information, patriarchy tells us, Be modest but not boring, be clever to a degree, like sex,no! not that much you whore.Eat smaller portions, hunch, apologise and start sentences with “sorry” wear make up? Jesus you look ill, that’s a lot of make up yuck what about natural ?  Skirt was a bit short, don’t dress like a nun.

 Patriarchy tells us we are fodder for men and competition to other woman. The patriarchy is outdated and can kiss my ass. That’s thick, but not too thick cuz fat ew. 

It tells us we should be small and meek and not have an opinion. It contradicts it’s self and is an unattainable slippery ever changing bastard.

No wonder we feel like immediately apologising and backing away from a complement. I never learned to be happy with myself until I met other woman who were.Woman who give complaints when they mean it and aren’t ashamed to look another woman in the face and tell them they’re beautiful in that moment. A turning point was hearing the woman in question say “how nice of you, thank you.” 

Part of me went “holy shit balls did she just say thanks?” She didn’t follow up with, you look so much nicer, or “oh wow really um thanks,” she full on accepted it, almost like it was OK! 

It is ok. We are  taught it’s not ok. We are taught it’s arrogance to look and feel good and accept it and be proud of it. Music tells us this, poetry tells us this, tv tells us this. The way we interact with other people teaches us this. I won’t teach my daughter to hate herself, to judge herself I will teach her a complement is just that and to accept graciously with the intent it’s given. I can do this by saying nice things about myself. But being kind about my appearance in front of her. By being kind to others. By telling her she is smart, funny, kind, strong and beautiful. I can teach her as best I can not to fail at self care like I did, because no one taught me.


If some one tells you you look super, you have awesome hair, you’re a clever woman. Here are ways to accept 

Awesome cheers šŸ™‚

Thank you, that’s really kind 

I know right! 

Hey if I wasn’t me, I’d do me 

You really are lovely thanks! 

I worked really hard on this and I appreciate your lovely complement.

I’ll take that šŸ™‚ 

Give them out and learn to receive them.teach your children that being complementary to others begins by being complementary to themself’s first.

Teach them it’s OK to say thank you. And not to start a thank you with a “sorry” 

You’re all beautiful, you’re all unique. And you’re all allowed to be perfectly aware of it.

Leanda 

Fat phobic comments that blow.

Here below are a handy list of things that are fat phobic and suck and you should stop.

ā€‹You’re not healthy, what about your heart? You’re costing the NHS so much money. 

1 you don’t know how healthy I am

2 what about my heart? 

3 So do an ass ton of things, drugs/drinking/smoking/ but no one treats them in the same way. Also I pay my NHS and have only used it to give birth, unaided to two healthy children… just saying.

Stop using your fake concern for a strangers health, it’s weird and fake. Just be honest you don’t like fat people they offend you by not fitting into your idea of pretty.

That’s not ok my friend, I see you.

Back handed compliments

You  have such a pretty face. Usually said in the same tone of someone delivering the news your dog has cancer. I know what you mean because that’s a typical fat girl complement isn’t it? you don’t even need to round off with ‘for a fatty’ because socity hates fat bodies and so it’s just implied. Re read this passage if you’ve ever caught yourself saying this…. yeahhhh pretty shittastic bet you feel silly now huh? 

Thin people complaining they’re fat

 If you’re straight sized and you constantly refer to yourself as fat. Or curvy. Or complain how you ate a burger and now you have to go work it off to me, or your fat friends, Please shut the fuck up. You’re straight up being a twat. And unless you suffer from BDD you’re fully aware I’m/they’re fat and you’re not. If you can walk into a shop and pick up an item of clothing you don’t have a clue what fat is and you don’t get to put yourself in the same team. Or talk for us. It’s the equivalent of mansplaining. And I ain’t go no time to facilitate you or your microagression.

Fake niceness

Straight sized people Telling me I’m brave for my outfit choices. Hmmmm I don’t even know where to start. I usually just smile and say am I ? Ammmmm I?And do this face. I won’t expand, if you do this to fat people you know what you did. Stappp it.

Asking me if you look fat….

Don’t ask a fat person if you look fat if you’re not. What do you want out of this exchange? You’re not fat so why ask when you know the answer. 


Talking about diets/excersise 

I don’t mind if you run or you’re on a diet. But when you constantly round it up with “BECAUSE I’VE PUT SOOOO MUCH WEIGHT ON AND I DON’T WANT TO BE FAT.” That’s fairly offensive. Is fat as a woman the absolute worst thing ever? The message I constantly get is yeah, it’s worse to be fat than literally anything else. Not cool man.

Should you eat that ?

I’ll eat you if you make that comment again.

Health tips.

It’s just diet and excersise. Well thank sweet mother and saviours you were here. To point out the solution! If only I’d known I mean that right there is a game changer my friend. (I’ll stop now,   I feel at this point I’m just abusing sarcasum) 

So in conclusion the above list is the absolute worst. So before you say/type this sort of stuff ask yourself why. Ask yourself if you know how your words work to contributing to the oppression of fat bodies in socity. And maybe just staaaaaap.

Leanda 

I don’t care for politicsĀ 

I know I haven’t discussed clothing much these last few posts. But I am a feminist and that means I need to blog about current affairs and how they affect my friends. Not just in the pinup community.

I keep seeing this pop up a lot

“face book/twitter/instagram is so political, let’s lighten it up by sharing funny cats.”

“Oh look everone on my time line is a politician” 

“I don’t think feminism is relevant in the west.” 

Lets get a few things straight, if you can afford to post ‘ you’d like a little break from politics,’ that’s privallage.  POC don’t get a break for example. I won’t Try and elaborate I’m not part of the POC community I’ll link you to my beautiful friend Chereeka she’s got a blog and a lot to say!

If you don’t think feminism is relevant you’ve never been cat called, mansplained to, called a whore. You’ve never been judged by how you dress act or weigh. You’ve never needed a womans refuge or been passed over a job for a less qualified man. The conversation isn’t about you, not because you don’t matter but because you’re not at that time the focus of the conversation 

In short you have privallage and that’s ok, but you need to recognise it. And before you say you don’t care for politics think about how those politics affect your friends, family and Co workers. Because being a good person means speaking up publicly and privately.

Because when I see “I don’t do politics” what you’re really conveying to me is “I don’t address stuff that doesn’t affect me or makes me uncomfortable.”

And that’s not ok. We need to talk about these things and not brush them under the carpet, because we don’t like them. My mate proof read this and she summed it up

‘It’s not cool to care about things, you’re belittled and berated if you talk about black lives or sexisum or inequality. Like you’re being an embarrassment for not ignoring it politely.’ 

Well thankfully I’m not polite, and I don’t surround myself with polite people. I care they care and they pull me up on my bullshit daily. Like I’ll pull you up on yours. You can think I’m a dick or you can perhaps listen and think and care. And wonder why I’m over here dicking it up.

And fyi it’s OK to talk about uncomfortable things AND share funny cats videos, I’ve been told the two aren’t mutually exclusive. šŸ˜‰ 

Leanda 

Dear retailersĀ 

Why is it fat woman aren’t encouraged to dress themself’s nicely? The last 18 years of me dressing myself have been depressingly shite. I don’t fit into a lot of  standard shops and vintage retailers (the expensive ones) only go up to a small 18 if you’re lucky. And I’m sick of it. I find nice things, they don’t fit properly so I make do. 
Why can’t I eat cake and drink wine and be rambunctious and sensual and take up space. Why do tv and and the media and shops assume fat people don’t like themselves enough to dress nicely? 

I’ll tell you why, becuase socity doesn’t encourage woman to like thier bodies/looks. We are held to unachievable standards encouraged by white, slim, able, fresh faced 18 year olds smiling out from every magazine and poster to try and buy society’s crap and achieve face/body nirvana. because god help if you look tired or fat or (said in a low whisper) old.

Newsflash!
Woman are old

Woman are fat

Woman are over 6 foot 

Woman are “blokey” 

Woman have rough edges and like manly things 

I won’t diminish myself and take up less space than I am due.

I won’t bow and scrape and hide and agree with your bullshit health *concern* because, unless you’re a medical doctor with access to my records, you’re just a Google medic and can actually fuck off.

 I won’t be  jumping through pre approved hoops any more, fat people acceptance hoops. Eat salad, wear baggy shirt with bright hand bag to detract from stomach, go to gym and do so much you look ill and sweaty to prove you should be there. Eat in secret…. the list is vast.

I don’t care for your bullshit socity not one bit.

Represent me on billboards, magazines and TV. Make me the love interest, take me seriously as a person with agency. Accept that my body IS a summer body. It is  In fact (And this may suprise you)  a summer, autumn and fucking winter one too. All season it’s an all season body, that deserves love, respect, self worth and a fucking shirt from a high end retailer and a pair of decent fitting trousers that don’t make me think of when sausage meat spills out of its case. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again and again until someone listens.

I’M FAT AND I HAVE MONEY. 

.Make me some fucking clothes that fit and aren’t tents and billowing. And sorry.

Stop pretending there is only one way to be beautiful and it’s by never being happy with what we have.

In short have a fucking word mate.

Why I won’t be your novelty.

Here’s something I’ve been wanting to publish for a long while.

Here are my musings on why I won’t be your novelty.

I wear brightly patterned  stuff, I spend hours putting perfect outfits together for a 40s look. I eat, breath and sleep clothes and quirky brooches and shit.

But I’m not here for your entertainment. I’m not your taking point.

I’m not in short your fucking novelty.

People don’t realise they do it, but I get it a lot especially as a fat woman. “This is Leanda she’s so stylish. This is Leanda, I wish I had her taste. Don’t get me sideways these things aren’t bad, they’re quite nice. But… and there’s a but, I’ve found in my vast travels through friendships (and boy have there been a few) I’ve felt used.If all you know about me is that I wear brooches and say cunt a lot, you don’t know me. 

Also  I’m a fat woman, and a common micro aggression is a tenancy to put on me, make me a sympathetic ear ( like all the time.) I care, but I need it back. Don’t wait for your turn to talk, that’s shitty. Don’t not call me for weeks then randomly drop kick me your problems. 

Don’t covet me. I’m not your neighbours ass. (That’s right I read šŸ˜‰ ) I’m not a bauble” lets be mates with her she’s loud and shiny. She gives me cool points with her sailor mouth and edgy hair.” I know you do this by only inviting me to social things, by constantly bringing up the way I dress, how much confidence I have (always said in such a way you make it sound  like I saved a baby from a burning building) you’re soooo confident. Mother fucker I’m fat and wearing a stripe, I didn’t give the kiss of life to your nan.

I’m not that confident, but you don’t know that because you don’t ask, because I’m a novelty.

Being large in a world made for and aimed at thinness is hard. It takes a tremendous amount to of my time, patience and fucking lady like grace not to tell people who stare, shout, stop me all the time, to just fuck off and leave me be. It’s up to me if I want to dress like a chevron.

So, if you want to get to know me ask me about other stuff, my kids, my hobbies outside fashon, my political and ethical views. Because if you don’t then you don’t know me, and all you want is a novelty.

And I’m not it 

Leanda 

#notyournovelty

Review timeĀ 

Hi gals.

Today I’ll be reviewing and outfit from  THE HIGH STREET.

 We all know we love our Vivian of holloway, Seamstress of Bloomsbury and Pin Up Girl Clothing. But what about looks for an inexpensive vintage hit? 

How do you style something from Primark for example? wellllll take a look.

This super cute pinafore dress is spot on for a 60s look and was, wait for it…… Ā£12! the classic ribbed bottle green roll neck was like Ā£7. so you have a idea https://talesofavintagevixen.wordpress.com/ Now on its own it may not look super vintage but I’m a firm believer in accessorising the holy hell out of your wardrobe. go online see what 60s ladies wore. If like me you have an extensive (see embarrassing) collection of bits the next job is easy. If not and you’re on a budged hit up some charity shops. If you’re not saving money this post isn’t for you! move it along, we’re budgeting here! (just kidding please keep reading, it took me three hours to get decent photos.)  

This is what I decided to put with it.60s wooden necklace, bakelite bangles and bakelite clip on earrings.

I paired this outfit with 
hair and make up! again good old Google will afford you 60s chicks aplenty, copy your fave! 

The other tip and trick I’ve learned with cheaper things, is to buy what fits well around your largest asset (my ass) And take it in or up etc. This one needed adjustment on the straps to make it smaller, a few stitches sorted that out. And Volia! one 1960s look from currant high street stock. At the princely sum of Ā£19

Thanks for reading sweethearts šŸ¦„ till next time x

Leanda  xxxx 

Twinwood 2016

The weather was Beautiful, the music hopping and the stalls were fantastic!

welcome to Twinwood 2016!

 

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So we travelled down from Kent for this vintage humdinger of a festival! It’s the first time Id been, and I wasn’t disappointed. I came mainly to finally meet the girls.

Me and Amelia had been friends with Pia and Lynsay online for two years, meeting them was fantastic. They were both so gawjus in the real world šŸ˜‰img_4605

 

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From left to right.
mammatwohoots, lynsaybopmiss sweet lemonaidmiss leigh bamad the

I also had the pleasure of meeting Tanya and Sarah!

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Essbdee {lovley gal in the middle}

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This corker is none other than secret plus size goddess
Then we of course have the obligitory outfit photos!

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Loveurlook dress and Saltwater sandals

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And again loveurlook dress and Satwater sandals
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stunning Rocket Originals shoes and monica dress by Pin Up Girl Clothing
And a few goofy shots!

 

All in all it was a cracking weekend with top ladies!

until next time take care… Miss Leigh Bam xxx

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Before And After

 

See these photos, here’s me before…

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And here’s after!

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What’s the secret I hear you cry? How did she make the is amazing transformation? She must have worked so hard!

yes I did actually, but not dieting orfixing  my skin, or hair or teeth. I fixed something much more important. My self worth.

once you shrug off the narrow constraints society places on woman, from telling us how young we should be, how tall, how white how happy! Whilst simultaneously making all of those things unrealistic and unreachable for most of us. You start feeling 100% better, It’s hard and it’s constant and it’s an everyday job, to look at who you are as a person and learn to accept what you have. 

If you want to wear make up good do it!  Not you? Ok Knock yourself out! Naked face thumbs up. You aren’t “girly” so? You aren’t 5:8 That’s totally ok!  Once we realise no one gets to tell us how we should look, or behave life really does become more enjoyable! I’ve for instance always been a chubby! I believed for too long I couldn’t wear this!

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That I should hide my self in a baggy black tent, incase I upset some concerned  member of the public… Well let me tell you the only concern I’ll appreciate is the concern that they will one day stop making my favourite shade of lip colour. You can take the rest of that “well meaning thinlyveiledhateanddisgustandlowtollerance” and cram it 

Wear what you like.

eat what you like.

Your body and clothing choices aren’t up for debate, this shit is a dictatorship not a democracy !

Be happy and speed time in the now with the people you love!

 

 





Miss Leigh Bam X 

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